filter-free Odysseus trapped in Costa yogurt
I hope that this week finds you well and happy. Nazy and I are getting resettled after the holiday excitement. Darius, who had stayed for a while in Switzerland after Christmas, returned to South Africa last week. He will be there for about a month before heading to Beirut. We had an aquatic challenge here at Casa Carmen. The roots of the challenge began on Christmas Eve.
Flashback: Christmas Eve 2011
We were enjoying a turkey dinner when Melika made an announcement:
“I know you like tradition, Dad.” She began.
“Right. Like Sugar cookies and other special holiday desserts...”
“And family, Dan?” Nazy interrupted.
“Of course, my dear. And presents.”
“Dad!” Melika interjected. “You need to open a Christmas present from me. Now.”
“Now? That’s not traditional.”
“Now.”
The present, inserted in a ribbon-bedecked and colorful shopping bag, was wrapped in newspaper and encased in a plastic bag filled with water. It was a pair of very cool fish. They were, I was assured, ‘pleasant tempered and sociable’. I decided to name them Odysseus and Penelope.
“Odysseus and Penelope?” Nazy asked. “Why not Paris and Helen?”
Although Penelope had no assimilation problems, Odysseus parked himself near the filter outlet - moving only to eat. And then, a few days after Melika left ...
“Where is Ody?” Nazy asked. “Did you kill him, Dan?”
“Check by the filter,” I replied, as we will see, almost presciently.
Unfortunately, a complete search of the 180 liter tank ...
Aside: Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and said: “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
... resulted in failure. Odysseus had vanished.
Nazy was inconsolable. “I knew it, Dan. You let him stay by the filter and your hostile angelfish, Kate, frightened him. You should have..”
“Should have - what?” I asked reasonably. “It sounded reasonably to me,” I thought when I saw Nazy’s reaction.
“You’ll need to get a new one before Melika finds out. You should find his body and..”
“...flush it?”
“You’re hopeless, Dan.”
No matter how hard I looked, no remains could be located. A week later, I tackled aquarium cleaning duties: vacuum and filter refurbishment. As I yanked the filter floss and carbon filter material, I saw.
“Paris and Helen died, Nazy. I also ruled out Romeo and Juliet, Antony and Cleopatra..”
“Odysseus! Nazy.” I shouted. “He’s stuck in the filter. He just wanted to explore.”
“Get him out.” Nazy replied.
“Easier said than done,” I thought. The Martin Family aquarium utilizes a German filtration system that is integrated into the corner of the tank. The recalcitrant, cold-blooded, gill-wielding, finned vertebrate was swimming in water 8 inches deep. He was stuck in a cubical space that was much smaller than my net. And, he was swimming remarkably fast. Several fruitless extraction attempts led to an inevitable conclusion.
“I need your help!” I shouted. In retrospect, my shout sounded like a siren (Σειρήν). “Maybe Odysseus hasn’t tied himself to the mast,” I thought.
“Is the fish outsmarting you?” Nazy replied.
“No. He’s just taking advantage of the terrain.”
“Terrain? Doesn’t terrain refer to land? Isn’t your fish trapped in water?”
“My net is too big.”
“So?”
I swallowed my pride. “Can you help?” I asked.
“Now she’ll see that the task is impossible.” I thought.
Unencumbered by hours of fruitless chasing, Nazy attacked the problem with a tea-strainer because “it fits, Dan.” It did fit - but it didn’t work.
“See?” I said.
Nazy constructed a bucket from an old yogurt container, paper clips and a meter of string. “I’m going to sprinkle some food on the water and when Ody comes to eat, I’m going to yank the yogurt cup with the string.”
“That will never work,” I said - supportively - as I put on my jacket for a net-hunting trip.
“Got him!” Nazy exclaimed - triumphantly.
“I knew you could do it! Shall I fix some tea and yogurt?”
So: Odysseus was reunited with Penelope. But he continues to park near the filter which he apparently jumped into. I guess he is a real explorer.
In the past, I noted that my inability to speak French apparently qualified me for the US Presidency. This week the news wasn’t so good. My latest income tax rate was 39.3% - far too high to be a serious Presidential candidate. On the other hand, two collisions in our garage qualify me for a captaincy on a Costa Cruise ship.
“A high-speed collision would be a better qualification,” Nazy noted.
Last week I also mentioned the ill-timed flower problem: the Amaryllis which delayed blooming until now. I should have noted that this year’s Amaryllis is wimpy - especially compared to last year’s edition. Inexplicably, both editions are currently in bloom. See if you can figure out which is which.
Finally, some readers have asked about the resolution of problems that we had with corporate America during our last trip. I am happy to say that US Airways apologized. Air Canada repaid the $70 that they erroneously charged for excess baggage. Western Union, I suspect, is trying to find a literate employee to read my complaint letter.